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Difference is needed in our world now more than ever. We are at a turning point, personally and collectively in our world. Learning to honor and respect difference is crucial to creating positive change in your life. It all begins by understanding what it is and accepting our own and others uniqueness.
Webster’s defines difference as 1) a significant change in or effect on a situation: 2) a distinguishing characteristic; distinctive quality, feature: 3) the act of distinguishing; discrimination; distinction.
If we are to create positive change and make a difference in our world we must begin with ourselves. Learning how to honor and respect difference in yourself and others begins by facing your fears of 'being different'.
Fear of being rejected or humiliated by our difference is a challenge we all face. As children we sought security by conforming to others. Being different threatened our sense of security and developed a deep fear of standing out in the crowd or voicing our own opinions if they were different from others. We tried to be the same as everyone else, denying our own uniqueness.
Everyone feels the pain of “being different” to some degree. “I am too tall, too short, too thin, too fat, too smart, too dumb, too --”… name your difference. It is a part of being alive. Everyone feels either “too much” or “too little” of something. Why? Because we are made to be different! The analogy of a snowflake comes to mind. We are all made of the same substance, Soul and Spirit, but express ourselves as uniquely life. Honoring and respecting difference is the greatest source of personal freedom.
How to Respect and Honor Difference to Create Positive Changes
One: remove the judgment you have toward difference. When our ego encounters difference we either elevate it to a position of “superiority” or we diminish it to a position of “inferiority”. In other words, we think we are either “better than” or “less than” respectively, rather than simply different. The ego loves to categorize things either right or wrong, and is uncomfortable with neutrality.
Challenge yourself to let difference be neutral. Consciously let go of judgments and begin to change your preconceived ideas, so that truth can reveal itself. A good analogy is language. There is Spanish, French, German and English only to name a few of the hundreds in our world. Which one is “better than”? Which one is “less than”? They are simply different forms of communication that benefit different societies and cultures. One isn’t inherently superior to another. When you can feel the same neutrality for all people who are different than you, then real healing and change are underway.
Two: understand the paradox of difference. In order to honor difference, we must be aware of our commonality. In order to feel the value of our uniqueness we must also understand and experience our sameness. We have both qualities within us.
Everyone has experienced a different childhood. Even identical twins have different experiences and perceptions of their past. No two are alike. Agreed? If everyone has had a different past, then how do we relate to each other? We must look to discover the sameness or oneness that unifies us. It is most easily found within our emotional natures.
Regardless of your different experiences everyone has felt pain, loneliness, rejection, love, joy and peace. Our emotions unify our differences. Because we know what it feels like to be hurt or comforted, we can easily relate to others pain or joy. Emotion is the universal bond that unites us while still honoring our difference. Love is the greatest unifier of all -- a mature love that seeks to be understanding rather than to be understood. Love would be equivalent to a smile that transcends all language barriers.
Three: embrace the dignity of difference. Owning the uniqueness of yourself and others will create a feeling of value. Focusing on value versus, “better or less than” begins to build the dignity of difference. Begin to witness the value of different people, cultures and beliefs in our world rather than blindly fearing and judging them. Look for the truth that unifies our difference, find the oneness and you will feel love.
Spiritual arrogance is perhaps the most destructive state of mind. Simply put, “My God is better than your God” and if you worship differently than me I have the authority (appointed by MY God) to kill you. This has been the source of every war between nations. It has always been a spiritual crisis rooted in the lack of respect accorded the dignity of difference.
If we need different languages to communicate in our societies, wouldn’t it also make sense to have unique ways to communicate with God? Isn’t that really the true purpose of religion, many different systems to help people relate and communicate with God?
Another paradox to face when resolving the dignity of difference is to take some time to think about 'how being different' has been a source of pain in your life and at the same time a genuine source of your power. Rejecting your difference or accepting it leads to pain or power, respectively.
Take time to self reflect and explore the depth of your difference. Write about it. Start from a distance, write about your childhood and then work your way to your current reality. How do you feel different today than you did back then? Has it changed? Have you been able to recognize and transform the feeling of being different into a positive and empowering experience? Explore your feelings of being different from a physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual and spiritual perspective.
God has created us unique and unified at the same time. We share commonality with others like the water that makes up a snowflake (emotions) and yet, like every snowflake, we each have our unique individual patterns of expression. These opposing forces challenge us to either resolve this paradox by adding love and understanding or to ignore them and remain the same.
Those who dare to think, feel and value their difference are truly the leaders in our world. In order to make a difference we must embrace our uniqueness and heal the fear and pain of being different.
Where would we be if it weren’t for Christopher Columbus who dared to believe that the world wasn’t flat? Look at the contributions all the way from Einstein to Oprah, these courageous souls dared to support and value their differences. All great leaders who have made a huge impact in the world chose to value their differences.
It is time for each of us to face our fears and to accept, and value difference in our lives. Perhaps this is unconditional love: Choosing to Support, Honor, and Accept, Respect and Experience (SHARE) the beauty and power of difference in us and with each other. What is the common challenge to all of our destinies is the need to embrace our differences and to share them with others. It is only through being different that we can honestly make a difference in the world.
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Michaiel Patrick Bovenes is a creative writer, author and professional speaker and teacher. He has a popular series of guided visualization meditations, he calls, "Soul-utions". He offers classes and words of wisdom in many articles published in various magazines worldwide. He currently resides in San Francisco, CA.
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